long-distance friendships are terrible because you can’t meet up with them whenever you want and hang out on any given day which is why when i’m president i’m relocating the entire human population into a 10,000,000 story skyscraper that also acts as a bridge from earth to the moon which comes with the added benefit of swinging the moon around like a fucking mace, god damn it’s gonna look so cool. what was i talking about
So, in April just after my birthday my partner of over 3 years walked out on me. I’ve never been so crushed in my life. It just got worse from there, I left my job started a job I thought would be better but turned out to be worse, my ex got horrible to me and so did his new girlfriend who let me know in a lovely message that he’d been seeing her 2 months before he left me and the whole time made out it was my fault. My mum tried to support me emotionally but kept making me feel bad “I wish you had just listened to me, tried harder, dressed a bit nicer, lost weight then he wouldn’t have left”. I felt like I’d hit rock bottom and had nobody to help me…over the last few months I’ve learnt to carry on. It’s not easy but I’m doing it. I’ve started to see a guy called Matt, been seeing him for just over a month now. Problem is, it doesn’t seem to be progressing. He lives about an hour away so I don’t get to see him much. I want it to lead to more but I’m worried it’s not going to go anywhere. After everything with my ex and other bad past experiences I’m terrified of getting hurt, trusting, being used. I’m terrified im not going to find someone who can deal with me and my issues and love me for me. I miss being in a relationship so much, having someone there for me, too hold me when im at my lowest or just having a bad day, to cuddle at night and kiss in the morning, to come home to, to get cute texts from when im at work, to tell me things are going to get better when I feel there’s no hope, to go out with and have a laugh, to stay up late talking about anything and everything, to hold my hand when bad things are happening, to tell me they love me no matter how weird im acting or how bad I look, to think im beautiful just how I am. I miss feeling loved, and having someone to love. Although I act like a dick sometimes and I don’t look that feminine (hard to do when you’re 6ft tall and 18 stone) I want to have someone to be sickeningly soppy with. I’m so scared of not having this again.
when is it going to be the other way round
does this count?
I want someone to look at me like this :-/
Today I woke up very happy.
I’m sick and tired of being depressed, of feeling alone, of feeling scared, my crying, of acting like I’m fine, of seeing how well you’re doing whilst I feel like yesterday’s trash. I’m sick of feeling like a moppy teenager. I’m sick of everything. I just want to be happy ffs. Why is it so hard for my brain to let that happen.
I hate my brain, it over thinks and makes my heart race and my chest go tight. Feel like I’ve gone officially mad.
The thing I hate the most is I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little, not even at all.
IN THE FUCKING HISTORY OF SUBPLOTS IN MOVIES
LIKE SAM GOT SHOT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER…
THEY EVEN KILLED “MARY LOU” THE DONKEY FOR FUCK’S SAKE
SO KATE BECAME THE BADASS “KISSING KATE BARLOW”
AND THEN SHE FUCKING DIED AFTER CURSING AN ENTIRE FAMILY FOR ETERNITY
Kissing Kate Barlow and Sam the Onion Man need their own movie.
I think the thing I hate most about my relationship ending is not how much he’s hurt me, it’s having no one to be intimate with both physically and emotionally, or hearing someone tell me they love me and truly meaning it. Those little moments that no one sees. Laying in bed and watching silly films, being weird and soppy with someone. I miss having some one to care for me differently to how everyone else does. I miss having someone who is there with me when my autism is controlling me, or my anxiety is high, or my knees and playing up and I need to go to hospital, I miss having someone who can cope being with me for long periods of time, I miss having someone to talk to when I’m down, or sing to when im happy, I miss being able to watch kids films with someone and not be judged, I miss being able to just cry on someones shoulder and have them squeeze me and not ask why until Im ready, I miss having someone to wake up to, and go home to after work, I miss falling asleep in someone’s arms. I miss being we and not me, I miss it being ours not mine. Sorry to rant, and be all depressing. Heh.
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