Today I woke up very happy.
I’m sick and tired of being depressed, of feeling alone, of feeling scared, my crying, of acting like I’m fine, of seeing how well you’re doing whilst I feel like yesterday’s trash. I’m sick of feeling like a moppy teenager. I’m sick of everything. I just want to be happy ffs. Why is it so hard for my brain to let that happen.
I hate my brain, it over thinks and makes my heart race and my chest go tight. Feel like I’ve gone officially mad.
The thing I hate the most is I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little, not even at all.
IN THE FUCKING HISTORY OF SUBPLOTS IN MOVIES
LIKE SAM GOT SHOT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER…
THEY EVEN KILLED “MARY LOU” THE DONKEY FOR FUCK’S SAKE
SO KATE BECAME THE BADASS “KISSING KATE BARLOW”
AND THEN SHE FUCKING DIED AFTER CURSING AN ENTIRE FAMILY FOR ETERNITY
Kissing Kate Barlow and Sam the Onion Man need their own movie.
I think the thing I hate most about my relationship ending is not how much he’s hurt me, it’s having no one to be intimate with both physically and emotionally, or hearing someone tell me they love me and truly meaning it. Those little moments that no one sees. Laying in bed and watching silly films, being weird and soppy with someone. I miss having some one to care for me differently to how everyone else does. I miss having someone who is there with me when my autism is controlling me, or my anxiety is high, or my knees and playing up and I need to go to hospital, I miss having someone who can cope being with me for long periods of time, I miss having someone to talk to when I’m down, or sing to when im happy, I miss being able to watch kids films with someone and not be judged, I miss being able to just cry on someones shoulder and have them squeeze me and not ask why until Im ready, I miss having someone to wake up to, and go home to after work, I miss falling asleep in someone’s arms. I miss being we and not me, I miss it being ours not mine. Sorry to rant, and be all depressing. Heh.
So much cutnessssss
I wonder if this would fit in my garden.
Can anybody, find me, somebody to love??
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